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The Lesser of Two Evils

Written by Benny B. | 26 October 2009

Well, my worst nightmare has come true.  Unless the Mayan predicted apocalypse is off by a couple of years, and starts off by sending a large chunk of flaming brimstone from the heavens to crush/sear both Jimmy Rollins & Shane Victorino simultaneously on the on-deck circle before first pitch of Game 1 (and with how I feel right now, an apocalypse doesn't seem so bad), either the Philadelphia Phillies or the New York Yankees will be 2009 World Champs...(shivers).

Before I proclaim my choice (which is tantamount to choosing between death by fire or drowning), please allow for a small back story:  The year was 2000.  It was a fancy free pre-9/11 time and my beloved NY Mets led by Bobby V., an over achieving team & an overjoyed fan base were about to take on The NY Yankees led by Joe Torre, high-priced superstars at every position & their arrogant, sense-of-perneial-championship-entitlement front running "fans" in the WORLD SERIES.  I hated everything about that organization being the descendent of a bastardized Brooklyn Dodgers Fan....but I digress.  Armando Benitez was 3 outs away from taking game 1 and reestablishing home field advantage for the Metsies.  Instead, Benitez gave up a sac fly to tie the game in the bottom of the ninth and the Mets ultimately lost Game 1 in the 12th inning.  Game 2 was equally exciting and featured one of the most bizarre events ever when "The Roid Rocket" Clemens picked up the end of Mike Piazza shattered bat, and thew it in his direction (to this day, I don't know why he was not ejected for that).  It was all downhill from there and we lost the series 4-1, as everyone knows.  But what you don't know, is that the Clemens incident coupled with the incessant shit talking by know-nothing-know-it-all Yankee "fans", was too much for me to bear anymore.  So after the final pitch and third consecutive ticker-tape Yankee parade down Broadway, I did the only thing left to do. I placed a Curse on the NY Yankees.

The Curse went as follows: The New York Yankees would not win another World Series Championship, before the NY Mets won one of their own (Cursers Note:  The first version of the Curse was simply the "NY Yankees would never win another Championship in my lifetime", but for fear of tempting fate and getting hit by a city bus, I quickly recanted and changed it to it's current curse).  And for the last 9 years, The Curse has held. 2001: LOSE WS. 2002: LOSE ALDS. 2003: LOSE WS. 2004: LOSE ALDS. 2005: LOSE ALDS. 2006: LOSE ALDS. 2007: LOSE ALDS. 2008: NO PLAYOFF BIRTH.  I took particular satisfaction in 2004 when the Yanks lost to their bitter rival Boston and became the only team in sports history baseball history to lose a 7 game series after taking a 3-0 lead, and in 2007 when Joba Chamberlin was besieged by a plague of insects.

Therefore in light of all my time and energy invested in The Curse, and pure enjoyment I take in seeing the Yankees lose, I AM FORMALLY ENDORSING THE PHILADELPHIA PHILLIES TO BE THE 2009 WORLD CHAMPIONS.

Thats right, you heard correctly.  As much as I hate the Phillies, they come from an organization of failure (which sort of makes us kindred spirits), being the most losingest franchise in MLB.  The Yanks have endured losing streaks, however, they are the most winningest franchise in MLB.  Their fan base is incorrigible, arrogant, self-entitled & appears to multiply exponentially once they reach the postseason (but watch out Philly, you are creeping up that chart).  Couple this with the fact that I would have to see these goons--some of them being my friends-- every day whooping it up and rubbing it in my face.  With the Phillie Phans, I can simply tune you out, as you are 100 miles away.  Had the Phillies not won last year, I might be singing a different tune, but you guys are already the defending champs.  So go get em, Phillies.  Keep the crown in the National League where real baseball is played; not that watered down DH version they play over there in the A.L. with their 5 hour games.  You are now my last hope.  Kick their asses so we all have the pleasure of watching the overpaid Yankee billion dollar machine crumble, like their new stadium already is.  And Most importantly: KEEP THE BENNY B. CURSE ALIVE!

Let's Go Phillies.

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